Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
