i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
