In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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