Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am available for nakedness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
