LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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