I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
