please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
