I wish I only lived at night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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