I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
