Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
