and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
