Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
