if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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