How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
