i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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