i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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