I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
