Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
