So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
