Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
