I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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