So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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