I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
