I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
