my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
