some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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