Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A bitchslap is in order.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
