Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
