He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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