i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
