i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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