I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
