Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
