Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
