Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
