My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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