what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I FOUND THE LEGS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
