I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
