apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
