the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
