Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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