I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
