Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
True strength comes from lack of pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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