just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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