I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
