So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
