i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
