Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
