Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
