so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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