dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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