and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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