I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
