remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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