Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
