I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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